Peace

I've recently had the privelege of being able to see that I lack peace in my heart. Through different trials, circumstances, and occurrences in my every day life I saw that when the pressure is on me, I start to crack. It starts very slow; first I usually just become kind of quiet, more irritable, then it progresses to me worrying, stressing, getting upset, and eventually just shutting down. It was very upsetting to see these things happening in my life, and it was much more upsetting to see that this was a cycle that had been repeated every so often for quite some time. I realized that I don't find peace in God, I don't see him as one who is in control of my life. I often see myself as a victim of my circumstances and become so engulfed in this pathetic state that I lose sight of God. 

The more important lesson that I recently learned though is that God is good. He is VERY good. Despite the fact that I was so spiritually down and out, God used people in my life and His word to show me how wrong it is to despair over things that are trivial, earthly, and some that are just downright ridiculous and not at all within my control. It's interesting that I've heard that statement so many times but didn't ever dwell on it for too long. God really is good though, He's as good as good can be. That's a crazy thought, because I am not good. I sin, I hit low points, I lack trust, assurance, peace, patience, and joy. God's goodness is so good though, that it covers all of that. It's easy to think that it's unfair that we have to suffer or experience discomfort, and I unfortunately do think like this on occasion. What's really unfair though is that God forgave me, knowing that this is how I am. He loves me despite the fact that I don't always love Him. He chose me when I chose everything but Him. And he gives me peace and patiently shows me that I can't find it anywhere else.

This passage was very helpful in leading me to understand these things and I've been very blessed by the Apostle Paul's words to the Church of Philippi:

^"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7